The World As Seen Through Constricted Pupils

At 3pm, his day begins
with a cigarette out on the porch.
Sun in his eyes, he smiles wide,
“Can I have twenty bucks?
I’ll bring you
the change.”
What kind of father
can deny hunger pangs?

Cash in his pocket, he rolls away
forgetting the first lie
of many today.

Through pin-pricked pupils
it gets harder to see
the value of a mother
or her wedding ring.
So he pawns the diamond,
says they can melt down the gold,
and walks out of the store
not knowing, or caring,
what he just sold.


~MEA


He came into the den looking at all of us as if we were vultures just biding our time to pick away at him. He looked nervous and uncomfortable as we all gathered and looked upon him with sadness; still holding out hope that at some point his life will finally turn around. Its tough to tell someone you love, someone who, at this moment, is not the person you once knew. No, this person is an impostor, a stranger that even he would be unable to recognize in the mirror. Which makes it even tougher. It is easy to dismiss a stranger, but its entirely different when that stranger is a loved one. 


I felt the stinging blow when his father told him he was an "addict". The impact of that blow was felt both ways-The son, having failed his father, having to hear those words from a father, who feels responsible, whether it's his fault or not, for his son's plight. He wants nothing more than to have son back. I watch the exchange between father and son as I can hear the voice of Harry Chapin singing "Cats In The Cradle" feeling the depth of those words as Father and Son look at one another. The child saying,"I'm gonna be like you dad. You know I'm gonna be like you" Now the father just wants his son to be healthy. He wants him to see the next day. That is why he gave him an option.


The son looks at the option as a death sentence- rehab or being homeless. He tries to bargain, to strike a new deal, but this is not a negotiation; this right here is your life and people are trying to save you. But there is another player in this game- Addiction. It is telling you to resist. You have made it this far. Do not give in to sobriety. Do not fall for their tricks and their ultimatums. Why should you? You are 21. You are a man who can do what you want with your life. Can't they see that this is your life?


What they see is someone who has lost control of their life. A lost soul who made a wrong turn and never stopped to ask for directions. You just kept down the wrong path. They wonder behind your back if you will ever get better. They wonder after talking with you if that is the last conversation they will have with you. They wonder how many times you can slip through the grasp of Death. They lay awake at night, unable to sleep, and they wonder. 


The time for wondering is over. A concrete line in the sand has been placed down at your feet. You look to one side of your conscious and see your family that loves and supports you. You look to the other side of your conscious and you see addiction, with its evil cheshire cat grin, beckoning you not to leave. Hasn't it been there for you all those times to get through your pain and heartache. So what if it has gotten you into a little bit of trouble. You made it through all of that unscathed. Well, almost anyway. 


At 21 you should be looking towards the future with rose-coloured glasses knowing that hope always springs eternal. Instead, we are huddled in a room in the cold darkness of fall with with your only hope being that we will all stop talking. No matter how many times we say we are with you you know you know you stand alone on this battlefield. This is your fight and your fight alone. And that scares you. The numerous times you have fought the demons only to succumb to them in a moment of vulnerability. If only you could turn back the hands of time. 


So here we are, in the heart of darkness- Intervening. Talking, supporting, and urging you to finally turn that corner. No more lying. No more stealing. No more broken promises. A soft knock is at the door. This is your opportunity to choose. Family or Addiction? Hope or Pain? We all look upon you to make this choice as the knock gets louder. You look upon your mother and sister's for warmth and protection. You listen to your brother's and their sage advice. You look at your father, the man you should be, and listen to his guidance. Still you are not convinced. At 21 this will be the defining moment of your life. The knock on the door has now hit a thunderous crescendo. Will you answer it?